Do I need to self-pleasure if I’m in a relationship?

Two clients asked me a HUGELY important question this week so I’m sharing my answer publicly (and vulnerably) in the hope that it educates and inspires you.

Q: “I’m in an intimate relationship, is it still important for me to self-pleasure as well? I’m really enjoying the sensuality of dancing, movement, self touch etc… but feel like when I’m in the mood I much prefer the process with him”

My answer:

I ABSOLUTELY recommend continuing to cultivate your self pleasure.

For many reasons:

1) there’s an opportunity to get really subtle and nuanced on your own, which can lead to profound states

2) you get even more intimate and tuned in with your own body, which can only be a good thing (it leads to heightened senses and states of pleasure for a start)

3) lovers might come and go….your own body is with you for life!

4) when you’ve got someone else’s body, desire, chemistry in the mix it’s wonderful (and often more pleasurable) but harder to separate out what’s you, what’s them, and what’s a combination of factors

5) it’s harder to work through areas of numbness or work on precise areas with a partner, and much easier if you’re using a wand. The more everything is awakened inside = more pleasure = more orgasms

6) (and possibly the most important) – from my own explorations – diving deep into embodiment and self pleasure in the last few years, I’ve noticed a huge change in my orgasms, particularly cervical orgasms. When I’m with a (good) lover now, I’m often experiencing full cervical orgasmic bliss from the moment he enters me. And it goes on a LONG time! Even after being orgasmic on the cervix for many years, this is a big shift – even in the last couple of years.

There’s ALWAYS more to explore and deepen and I think it’s crucial we explore this for ourselves.

7) Your body = your power.

What do you think?

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