Tantra safety – Why getting smashed open might be the worst idea ever

This is going to ruffle a few feathers but it needs saying…

[rant alert – this has been brewing for a LONG time!]

You do a “tantra” workshop. It’s intense

You’re packed in a room with a bunch of strangers. You’re delving into ALL kinds of stuff – childhood wounds, intimacy patterns, sexual blocks,
ALL that murky stuff.

They pump the music loud and you do some practice. You feel uncomfortable, it’s an edge.
But hey, you’re here to learn, right?

Everyone else is moaning, groaning, making that loud, long “I’m really spiritual” sigh.
You feel a bit unsure but the teachers are “the experts” and “they know best” (and your friend told you they’re “amazing”).
You’re encouraged to touch strangers.

It’s hard to say no because everyone else is going along with it and they’re having fun.
You override your doubts and push through. Everyone’s going wild.
You feel energy, you cry, you shake. You FEEL SOMETHING!

In this moment you feel amazing. You feel part of the crowd. You feel connected.

You’re healed!


Most likely you’ve just frazzled your nervous system

How do you feel by Monday afternoon?

Smashed, drained, flat.
A connection hangover from being back in the “default muggle world” (where nobody’s staring intensely into your eyes).

How do you feel in a month’s time after the peak experience has passed?

Back to square one. Perhaps more frustrated because you had a glimpse of something and now it’s gone. Confused.
Disconnected, stuck, numb. Again.

Yeah I know, I’ve been there. Many, many times.

In my opinion…

The sledgehammer effect doesn’t work. Not in the long term.

To fully connect with our bodies, with our sexual energy, to get deeply intimate and to HEAL takes time and patience.

I believe it needs a subtle, nuanced approach so you can stay in harmony with your nervous system.
I prefer a softer, more gentle approach, rather than being bombarded with a bunch of techniques which you’ll have forgotten in a couple of weeks.

I’m lucky to have found some amazing teachers who take this approach. I’ve had more growth and healing by going slow and steady than I ever did getting smashed open.
I’ve seen the phenomenal progress my clients make when we work together in this way.

It’s like the Wild West out there!

A bunch of people masking their big wounds by pumping massive energy, which inflates their own egos.

  • Some people position themselves as “experts” yet they haven’t done the work themselves.
  • Some teachers have VERY dubious lineages and haven’t re-educated themselves.
  • A lot of teachers know jack shit about trauma.
  • Some teachers are more interested in getting bums on seats than your safety.
  • Many don’t know the difference between Neo and Classical Tantra, and will tell you what they’re teaching is ancient and sacred, because they don’t know any better. And sometimes because it makes their stuff sound more legit and sells more tickets.

It’s McTantra and it’s all over Australia, the States, Bali, Europe, Koh Phangan etc.
It’s snake oil packaged in glitter and bindis.

To me, it feels gross and icky.

No thanks!

It’s why I distanced myself from the scene a while back.
It’s why you won’t see me presenting at “Tantra” festivals and most workshops.
It’s why I don’t call my work Tantra.
It’s why I’m REALLY fussy about which workshops I attend, who I train with, and who I bring into my programs as guest teachers.

I prefer to go slow and steady, unwinding the nervous system and to help create lasting change.

Because peak experiences don’t stick.

Seek out the humble, heart-centred teachers that really get it and have your best interests at heart.

Don’t believe the hype!

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