The difference between yoni massage and “de-armouring”

I’m not a fan of internal “de-armouring” and here’s why.

[Disclaimer: practitioners use this term in different ways so please read this whole article to understand what I’m talking about]

Since yoni massage has become mainstream in the last few years, more women & vulva-owners are keen to find ways to clear their blocks, heal trauma and un-numb themselves.


Here’s the problem:

The terms “de-armouring”, “yoni massage” and “mapping” tend to be used interchangeably, when in fact they’re all different techniques and modalities (though even some practitioners don’t seem clear on this, which causes a lot of confusion)

De-armouring has become one of those buzzwords, and if you don’t know what you’re doing, you might cause yourself some damage.

In my opinion – if you want to work through your numbness or deep-rooted stuff permanently, strong de-armouring isn’t the answer.

In fact, solo internal work is something I don’t even get to with most of my VIP clients until we’ve been working together for at least a couple of months, because there are so many other things we need to work on first.

Such as getting out of your head and into your body; feeling safe in your body; creating healthy boundaries; getting to the root of emotional blocks, etc etc etc.

(because internal work is powerful, but it’s only ONE aspect, and it ain’t no panacea).

And even then, I don’t recommend strong de-armouring, and here’s why:

It normally means using really strong internal pressure and force to get you to “feel something” (and if you’re numb, shut down or have trauma, you might think this is a good thing).

In fact there’s dodgy Neo-Tantra organisations who’ve made this their “thing”, and I’ve heard plenty of horror stories.

This approach causes more harm than good.

You might even end up with physical damage (it happens).

Your nervous system is probably going to get pushed beyond capacity – and you might suddenly feel a lot of energy, and think you’ve had some kind of “awakening”, when actually you’ve probably been retraumatized, but your brain hasn’t caught up yet.

I’m all in favour of you doing your own explorations and empowering yourself in the process.

But if you take this strong approach, you might end up feeling bruised the next day, or emotionally hungover.

In my opinion, it’s never worth it.

So if you’re practicing solo:

I always tell my clients to go soft and gentle, especially at the start.

You can always increase the pressure and intensity over time, once you get more confident.

Give your emotions and your nervous system the chance to calibrate with what’s happening physically, so you don’t fry yourself.

Slow, steady baby steps are better than 2 steps forward, 3 steps back.


And if you dig into something dark or gnarly and you’re practicing solo – you get to self-regulate and back off.

You don’t have to heal everything in one go.

In fact it’s impossible to clear a lifetime of accumulated shit in one session!

Take your time; be patient and compassionate.

And please – seriously consider working with a professional to help you work on the other stuff too. 

(If you’re in Australia check out the directory of bodyworkers trained by me here)

If you need support drop me a message.

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