What’s the big deal with squirting?

I get all sorts of messages from people asking about squirting.
Normally it’s women asking whether every woman can squirt, and how to do it.
So this is my reply, having worked with SO many women and folks with vulvas over the years…

Some of us are definitely more squirty than others.

Can everyone squirt? Maybe.

But let’s dig a little deeper. Why does it matter? What’s the big deal?

It’s a visible sign that can’t be faked, so when a partner manages to help you get there, they feel validated. They’ve “achieved” something – a goal.

The thing is, squirting doesn’t equal orgasm. Some people find it massively pleasurable, and some just don’t.

For some women, it takes a LOT of pressure on the G or A spot. I know practitioners (and partners) who’ve been so goal-oriented that they use violent finger-banging to get there.

To me this is the opposite of female sexuality. It’s forcing and pushing to attain a result.

And if there’s a history of sexual trauma, this will open a whole can of worms….

Of course, some folks love this strong force. And if you’re one of them, or your partner is, then go nuts.
But to try and force something just because it’s a visible sign of success or because it’s a fashion in porn, or because it’s toted in neo-Tantra as this “holy grail”?

Well, you’re possibly overriding all the subtle signals from your body that are asking for something else, and it may take you further away from pleasure and orgasm.

Female ejaculation doesn’t equal enlightenment, or make you more “spiritual” or more “advanced”!

In short, we’re all different, and we have to get REALLY intimate with what feels good, and follow that thread.

If something feels good, keep going. If it doesn’t try something else.

I don’t trust or recommend practitioners that promise they can make you squirt, or that make that a focus of their bodywork session. I never had that as a goal in a session when I was a bodyworker. Sometimes it happened, but often not, because my focus was on listening closely to my client’s needs.

Finally, if you DO still want to explore this (solo or with a partner), the trick is to relax as much as possible. Work with slow but sustained pressure on the G or A spot. If you’re practising solo, a glass wand is super helpful.

Tension blocks our capacity to feel pleasure (although that might feel counter-intuitive because many women have formed tension habits when they get close to orgasm).

There’s already enough pressure on you to perform or behave a certain way in the bedroom. If you don’t squirt, you’re NOT a failure.

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