“I’m too much in my masculine”. It’s one of the most common things my clients tell me. Yes, I know that feeling well. All that focus on hitting those targets, reaching deadlines and basically getting shit done.
Yes- it’s necessary. But it doesn’t feel sexy, does it?
This feeling of being “too much in your masculine” often shows up as a gnawing, deep rooted feeling of disconnection and stress. And let’s face it, what we’re really saying is “I feel don’t feel fulfilled and sexy”.
When we finally switch off from work, do we feel radiant, sensual and alive? Or just plain old exhausted with nothing left in the tank?
Let me make this super clear. As human beings we absolutely need a balance of both our masculine and feminine. We need to function in the world- to give and receive, to act and respond, to fuck and be fucked. I’m not saying we need to achieve or do less- but many of us could use a bit more balance. And this has absolutely nothing to do with gender. I’m totally against the dogmatic stereotype that says “to be a feminine woman you need to wear a floaty floral dress and do what your man tells you” (believe it or not, some people actually teach that shit!)
The issue for us as modern women with careers, children and busy lives, is that it’s really easy to lose our balance. Many of us spend most of our working days in “doing” (masculine) mode- getting shit done, working on projects with linear deadlines and specific goals. It’s fine and necessary in the workplace, but operating in this mode all the time is really damaging. We exhaust our adrenals and stress becomes the norm, which in turn messes with our hormones. We miss out on the joy and juice of life.
We need to bring back our balance. We need to consciously make space for our feminine to flourish so we can feel our bodies, access our pleasure, rekindle our sensuality and awaken our desires.
Here’s my top tips to stop your inner masculine from taking over:
- Create a state change after work- have a shower and wash off the day, change your clothes- make it a real and conscious transition.
- Dance. Even just dancing for one song every day is awesome and seriously life-changing!
- Massage your breasts at least 3 times a week- go slow, use nice oils and breathe….it tunes us into our body, feels amazing and opens our hearts
- Worship yourself and put yourself first. Easier said than done? Download my Self Worship Checklist here
- Get your inner masculine involved! Create the structure for your feminine to flow by scheduling your self-care time, free time, massages etc
- Take regular time off- finish work on time, unplug at weekends. Don’t let the incremental stress creep up on you.
- Get out in nature– go for a walk, feel yourself expand and connect with your wild side
- Track your periods– when you understand the different phases of your cycle you’ll recognise changes in your thought patterns and energy levels and you can plan accordingly. One of my clients (a scientist) started doing this and said she’d been beating herself up for being inconsistent: ‘the only way I knew to make it work was to push really hard… and therefore be exhausted all the time”. Everything shifted once she worked with, rather than against her cycle (it’s not called flow for nothing!)
Remember it’s all about balance. If we’re only in our “feminine” mode we can’t function in the world. If we’re only in our “masculine” we end up stressed and exhausted, and disconnected from our pleasure. We all need this balance of yin and yang, and this is where we can truly experience harmony in all areas of our lives.